Kelly - Luke 14

Estimating the cost.

These words hit very close to home...and I'm not sure what to do with them. Sometimes the cost is just too high. When I was in college and first looking at seminary, a friend told me to be careful - I was answering the call of a God who crucified his own son. At the time I brushed the words off, attributing them to someone who was struggling and somewhat bitter about her own faith. But I have come to struggle with the same issues - and in some ways her bitterness has become like my own. Can I follow a path that may lead to crucifixion? Can I carry a cross?

I can leave my comfort zone, I can follow God and obey, I can bring good news into places that scare me, and I can be faithful in very hard times. But I have come to see that there are things I cannot or will not sacrifice to follow God's call. And I continually struggle to figure out if God is truly calling me in that direction or not. Am I unfaithful? Am I weak? Or is God's call different from what I thought it was?

I will not sacrifice my family's ultimate well-being for the sake of serving Christ's church or God's mission. If that means that I am in direct disobedience to the words of 14:26, then I am. I will not sacrifice the growth of my children's faith in God for someone else's faith in God. I'm not sure that there's ever a clear decision to be made between those two - one or the other - but the area can get very foggy sometimes.

Is my commitment to my children's well-being and faith greater than my own commitment to following Christ? And if so, is that sin?

I have estimated the cost. And I must admit I am scared and confused.