Kelly - Genesis 32

I spent most of today thinking over this chapter - it's dense, but I've also studied it and talked about it so much that it borders on being trite in my mind. It's always hard to find new meaning in those passages I've known so well.

I think the biggest part of my day was spent thinking about all the ways I've encountered God when I needed to - or failed to encounter God when I wanted to.

God came to Jacob/Israel in a wrestling match. I've certainly wrestled with God - in fact, that's probably the best description of my faith life at this point in time. It certainly isn't a lack of faith - but struggles for control, times of submission, and spurts of anger and rebellion are all rolled into one prolonged encounter.

I've also known God as peaceful comforter, as Forgiver, as the One who bestows blessings, as the One who has expectations of me, as intellectual puzzle (I must confess, my favorite and most comfortable place for God in my life). I have known God as absent - or as making me wait when I wanted some immediate response and direction.

But I also realize that through all of this, I do not know God very well as One to be Feared. The God of the Pillar of Fire is rather foreign to me - as I think to most people in our time and culture. I'm always afraid to say that I wish I knew more of this side of God (because I'm afraid of how God might teach that lesson), but I think there's something lacking in my faith because of this way of not understanding God.