This morning Paul states, v.7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control." He goes on to say don't be afraid of testifying to the Lord. As Matthew stated yesterday and some of our kids have said, they (and I) are worried about keeping the habits we had on the mission trip going, especially when we are alone. I have already felt this.
Prayer was huge for us all week. At church we are looking at Passionate Spirituality, which talks a lot about prayer. So why am I uncomfortable praying at my own home in front of my own family? I hear the little voice, how are people looking at you, what are they thinking? Will everyone think I am a Jesus freak now?
This is one of the hurdles that I have to overcome. The second hurdle that I am praying hard about is to stop drinking. I wouldn't say that I am an alcoholic but I have felt for quite a while that I had a problem. I can never be satisfied with just one. Recently we were in Maine and I drank way too much and was drunk in front of my kids. Since that day I have been ashamed of myself and really wanted to appologize but had not had the courage. During the talk Mike gave Monday night of the mission trip this struggle came to me and I asked for God to help me stop drinking. On Tuesday I opened up to Andrew and Emily and told them how ashamed I was and appologized for my behavior.
So I am bearing my soul, something that I am not totally comfortable with, to everyone here. I feel a need to open up to others and not be timid about my struggles. I hope that you will pray for me that this desire will be taken away. I told my family last night of my decision and hope that they can help to support me also. I have to live boldly with God so that he gives me his spirit and power to help me overcome this struggle. I will pray about this each day and be confident that God will help.
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